How do secrets and lies figure in the negotiation of trans people’s lives?

    Societal order has been historically influenced by deceit and secrecy (Shilling & Mellor 2015). In We “Other Victorians” (1976), Foucault illustrated how the Victorian era placed taboo and stigma on sexualities and gendered behaviours. This stigma has permeated well into our times, imposing a veil of secrecy onto the lives of queer individuals. While in recent years the importance of secrecy and deception in the management of the identities of certain sectors within the LGBTQ community has been reduced, this is arguably not the case for binary and non-binary (NB) trans people. Because of the deep-rooted possibility of stigmatization, secrecy and deception are still an inextricable part of trans existence. Said secrecy affects the perception transgender people have of themselves, and both the internal relations that trans individuals have with each other, and the external relations between trans individuals and the larger cisgender society. In this essay I will detail the ways in which secrecy is entrenched in the negotiation of trans people’s lives. I will begin by exploring how secrecy and deception are conceptualized, and how they create and validate negative narratives about transgender people. I will then proceed to critically analyse the concept of passing, placing particular focus on its current sociological understanding and how it can be better understood with the use of identity theory. Additionally, I will study how it influences relationships within the transgender community and the perception of transgender people by cisgender people. I will continue by discussing the role that decision-making on matters of disclosure has on the management of transgender people’s lives, drawing on theories of non-disclosure and symbolic self-disclosure in social penetration. Finally, I will assess how future research should re-examine our current understanding of these issues and what new areas ought to be explored.

   In sociology, deceit has been defined as acts of misrepresentation carried out with the intention of giving others a misleading understanding of a given situation (Shilling & Mellor 2015). The act of lying has been defined in the literature in similar terms of intentionality and misinterpretation (Meltzer, 2003). While Simmel saw secrecy as an inherent part of all human interactions, because “sharing fully with others one’s inner-flow of consciousness is impossible” (Simmel 1906), telling lies is generally perceived as an undesirable activity (Rodriguez & Ryave 1990) that gives rise to negative consequences. Discourse about transgender identity and its relation to deception is incessantly circulated in all forms of media. This discourse portrays transgender people as deceivers who scrutinize their appearances to hide what their true gender is (Billard 2019). The concepts of “passing” and “disclosure” are central features of this discourse.

 

Passing:

   Within a wider sociological context, passing has been defined as the ability to appear to belong to a social subgroup other than the one to which a person has been assigned. A person who has been assigned to Group A “passes” when they are accepted as belonging to group B without detection (Moriel 2005). When applied to transgender individuals, passing relates to the presence of signs of the gender assigned at birth. If there are no detectable signs of the gender assigned at birth, the trans person passes; if the signs are detectable, the transgender person fails to pass (Billard 2019).

   In the paper “For a Sociology of Deceit: Doubled Identities, Interested Actions and Situational Logics of Opportunity”, Shilling and Mellor (2015) conceptualize passing within the context of cultural deceit. This type of deceit does not threaten existing societal norms, it is simply a technique available to those who would, otherwise, be unable to access, and be accepted, in mainstream social spaces. They proceed by explaining that a key component of passing is reflexivity. They argue that passing requires “planning ahead, managing, and monitoring appearance and behaviour” (Shilling & Mellor 2015, 613), using the case of Agnes (Garfinkel 2006 [1967]) to exemplify this perfected performance. There is certainly a degree of truth to this thesis, but the language used needs to be clarified. 

   There is a difference between the concepts “passing” and “living stealth”, which can be explained through the use of identity theory. In “Multiculturalism and The Politics of Recognition” (1994), Charles Taylor states that “our identity is partly shaped by recognition or its absence”. Charles Cooley presents a similar thesis via the concept of the “looking glass”. He argues that if an individual cannot use society’s views of them as mirror, they will be unable to know themselves (Cooley 1902). Therefore, affirmation of one's identity is a vital part of identity formation. Following this logic, transgender people assess whether they are being perceived in the way they desire. If the perception of others does not match that of their identities, they might choose to change the ways in which they present themselves to influence said perception and gain identity verification (Brumbaugh-Johnson and Hull 2019). For these reasons, in "Your Picture Looks the Same as My Picture": An Examination of Passing in Transgender Communities, Anderson and others propose understanding passing as embodiment and not as fraud or deceit. Understanding passing as embodiment better reflects the complex experiences of those with trans identities (Anderson & others 2019).

   What Shilling and Mellor were describing seems to be what is known as “living stealth”. “Living stealth” refers to hiding the transgender identity to come across as cisgender, by pretending to be either the assigned gender at birth or cisgender of the self-identified gender identity (Stitt 2020). In the article “Trans men’s stealth aesthetics: navigating penile prosthetics and ‘gender fraud’” (2020), Strayer describes the experience of a transgender man who was living stealth. He writes, “he was living stealth; he stepped out of his assigned place, and he occupied the public space of cis men. Inhabiting it, using it, adopting it” (Strayer 2020, 268). This description serves as a clear example of how living stealth goes beyond simply passing, and how it involves constant action and management from the trans person.

   There is some obvious overlap between both concepts, as the ability to pass is essential to living stealth, but the distinction is important for three main reasons. Firstly, a common critique of the conceptualization of passing as done by Shilling and Mellor is that it delegitimises the identities of transgender people. As expressed by Tristen Kade in "Hey, by the Way, I'm Transgender": Transgender Disclosures as Coming Out Stories in Social Contexts among Trans Men, “it carries the assumption that certain individuals somehow naturally embody particular identities to which others can stake only inauthentic membership claims” (2021). Differentiating between passing and living stealth erases this issue. Secondly, distinguishing both concepts places weight on intentionality. While living stealth is a constant active choice made by the transgender person, passing may not be intentional, and some trans people may no longer wish to pass. In “Your Picture Looks the Same as My Picture” a participant stated that they simply “do whatever is natural” (Anderson & Others 2020, 53) to them. Since it is generally understood that secrecy requires the secret keeper to act in such a way that awareness of the secret by others will not occur (Itzhaky & Kissil 2014), qualifying “passing” as deception or secrecy is inaccurate. Thirdly, the distinction better accounts for the complexities of queer identities. The expectation of coherence in gender presentation comes from the gender constraints of cisheteronormativity. Often times the gender expression of butch lesbians, trans men, and transmasculine NB people is indistinguishable, and “passing” will be solely dependent on the binary assumptions of others (Ashley 2018).

   When applied to “living stealth”, Shilling and Mellor’s thesis is correct. Some transgender people consciously perform gender in such a way that they can live stealth, gain access to cis spaces and cope with discrimination. Being perceived as cisgender separates the trans person from the violence, sexual harassment and exclusion they would otherwise face (Kaipper & Others 2020). Because transgender people are more aware of gender role expectations than their cisgender counterparts (Brumbaugh-Johnson & Hull 2019), they know how to enact a convincing false gender presentation. Transgender men and women will generally aim to be stealth as a cisgender person of their self-identified gender identity, to gain gender recognition as they protect themselves (Brumbaugh-Johnson & Hull 2019). Genderqueer and NB individuals, face a greater challenge. Because genderqueer identities are in direct opposition to the gender binary that “passing” and “living stealth” are rooted on, genderqueer people cannot gain gender recognition and be “stealth” at the same time, they must sacrifice one for the other. In “Coming out as transgender: Navigating the Social Implications of a Transgender Identity”, Brumbaugh-Johnson and Hull describe how genderqueer participants discussed having to adhere to expectations that did not match their gender identity in social spaces they perceived as dangerous.

   This reflects a wider issue. For many people, both inside and outside of the transgender community, the ability to pass is held as a standard of success. People who do not pass, either because they do not want to, or because they are unable to, are seen as having failed in some way (Anderson & others 2019). Because the trans community encompasses diverse demographics and numerous identities, not every trans person will be able to pass. Placing so much emphasis on passing is particularly damaging for transgender women, who are forever burdened with the effects of testosterone, and for NB people, whose identities cannot conform to cisheteronormativity. Trans men, in this respect, get the privilege of invisibility. Therefore, if passing is what legitimises the trans identity, many trans identities are erased. Academic literature has not explored this issue, but multiple NB transgender people who have shared stories of their transitions online express initially transitioning to the binary opposite of their assigned gender at birth because of pressure from within the trans community to pass. A balance must be struck between the emphasis placed on passing, as it erases identities, and the emphasis placed on not passing, as it makes trans people’s lives unsafe (Halberstam 2001). After all, passing presents a paradox. Thomas J. Billard explains it in the following way: “the successful attainment of cisgender aesthetics legitimates the transgender person’s claim to their gender identity, but it also renders them more malicious in their deception” (Billard 2019).

   In order to maintain the façade of a cisgender identity, it is imperative that the transgender person does not declare the trans identity to others. 

 

Disclosure:

   Disclosure is the act of revealing a secret or secret information. Simmel (1906) argued that disclosure is always just beneath the surface of secrecy; there is a constant tension to breach a secret through the act of disclosure. When applied to transgender people, disclosure is the process by which a transgender person makes the trans identity known to others. While early psychological theories conceived disclosure as an interaction that would always improve the quality of life of the transgender person, there is reason to believe that this work failed to fully assess all the social contexts in which disclosure happens (Kade 2021; Brumbaugh-Johnson & Hull 2019).

   Disclosure decisions are rarely simple, as they carry significant positive and negative implications for the wellbeing of the trans person (McConnell & Others 2018). A trans person might wish to disclose for a variety of reasons. For example, prior to transitioning, it can serve as a tool for gender recognition (Zimman 2009). However, disclosure entails facing the social stigma of having a trans identity. Transgender people have voiced fears of losing familial relationships, financial support, housing, facing discrimination at work, fear of violence and harassment, not wanting to be objectified, fetishized, or receive invasive and invalidating questions (Fernandez 2019; Grant & Others 2011). Accordingly, determining the timing of disclosure is a balancing act that most transgender individuals must deal with.

   Disclosure is negotiated based on perceptions of how others would react. Transgender people will try to anticipate the reaction others will have before disclosing (Fernandez 2019). If a negative reaction is expected, the trans person may choose to engage in non-disclosure or disclosure avoidance. This process consists in strategically not revealing the trans identity to escape potential violence, discrimination or rejection (Kade 2021). Evidently, not disclosing ones trans identity has damaging effects. Firstly, if the consequence of revealing the true self is rejection or violence, there is a clear implication that the true self is unacceptable (Ponse 1976), which further others the trans person and their identity. Secondly, carrying this secret separates the trans person from their environment (Itzhaky & Kissil 2014). The intimacy of their interactions will always be limited because they cannot speak on an inalienable part of themselves. This paradox was illustrated by Tristan Kade in "Hey, by the Way, I'm Transgender", where the trans men he interviwed discussed “wanting to share personal information to deepen relationships, yet having to weight concerns of violence, discrimination and stigmatisation that may accompany disclosure”.

   The introduction of the internet, and in particular of social media, has added new dimensions to disclosure and its role in the lives of transgender people (McConnell & Others 2018). Online disclosure can be used as tool for gender exploration and recognition. The emergence of anonymous social media sites has allowed trans people to carry out personal exploration of their identity through mass disclosure (Haimson 2018). Online anonymity separates the trans person from the real-life discrimination they could potentially face, allowing them to safely explore and seek gender recognition. However, in order to do this, the trans person must manage multiple online identities. In particular, research shows that young queer people will create multiple separate accounts, some catered to real life family and friends, and others catered to the trans identity and online community (Taylor 2014; McConnell & Others 2018; Haimson 2018). By engaging in this practice, the trans person creates two differentiated selves, one private and the other one public, that must be kept separate through substantial emotional labour, and perpetual surveillance of their online presence (Taylor 2014; McConnell & Others 2018).

   Non-disclosure can also occur as a reflexion of the stage a relationship is in. Altman and Taylor’s social penetration theory, proposes that the intimacy of a relationship will develop through time. At the early stages of the relationship interpersonal communication is somewhat insubstantial. But as the relationship evolves, the interpersonal communication becomes deep and intimate. The relationship evolves through self-disclosure of personal information as the trust on the other parties to the relationship increases (Altman & Taylor 1973). Therefore, different relationships involving different people, will have different levels of trust and consequently, different levels of social penetration. Much like everyone else, in encounters with strangers transgender people usually do not reveal any personal information, including the trans identity. The process of selective disclosure effectively affects everyone, and it carries positive consequences. Individuals need to have the ability to control their own personal information and to determine who to share it with.

 

How research should develop:

   The overall theme in the literature currently available on transgender identities and secrecy, is lack of intersectional analysis. Gender is experienced in relation to other social factors. These factors include, but are not limited to, social class, religious affiliation, geographical location, and racial identity and ethnicity. Future research on passing, living stealth, and matters of disclosure should focus on how the role these three concepts play varies depending on the demographic subgroup being examined. Additionally, there should be particular focus on age. The perception of passing and disclosure among young trans people that have always had access to the internet is different to that of older generations. The importance of passing and the pressure around matters of disclosure have not remained static, and this change could be attributed to online communities. Online sources can be found where young trans people express not wanting to adhere to cisgender aesthetics and choosing to embrace their trans identity and body (Ezramichelmusic 2021).

   When it comes to “passing” and “living stealth”, future research should clearly differentiate the experiences of transgender men, transgender women, assigned female at birth (AFAB) NB people, and assigned male at birth (AMAB) NB people. The current literature does little to express how these experiences are different, and there seems to be a particular focus on transgender women. While trans men enjoy a level of invisibility, transgender women do not get this privilege and thus need to be more aware of their presentation and “perform” their gender identity more. For NB people, differentiation is needed between them and binary trans people, and between AMAB and AFAB NB individuals. The research should look into how different NB people manage their identities to be perceived as NB, and whether this is possible at all in a cisheteronormative society.  Furthermore, future research should analyse the intricate relationships within the trans community and how passing or not passing affects relationship building among its members. Barbara Ponse analysed how secretive lesbian women will avoid befriending non-passing lesbian women. There is no existing literature on this subject matter when it comes to the trans community, but it is present in online discourse. While it was more predominant in 2014 in the platform Tumblr, it arguably still affects the way transgender people interact with each other today.

   Finally, research should be carried out on disclosure narratives specific to NB people. While the literature does speak about NB individuals and disclosure, no differentiation is made between their disclosure journeys and those of binary trans people. Online accounts of trans people show that NB individuals have to make more intricate choices when deciding on matters of disclosure because of the prevalence of the gender binary. One example of the additional considerations NB people must make is disclosing the trans identity to everyone in their lives, but giving a binary narrative to older individuals they feel will not understand their NB identity (Brennen Beckwith 2021). All of the above should be carried out in an intersectional way, considering the other aforementioned social factors.

 

   When considering all the above arguments, it can be concluded that secrecy and lying are driving factors of the negotiation of trans people’s lives. This paper has outlined the ways in which transgender individuals keep their trans identity hidden to gain protection from the violence and discrimination they could potentially face. Firstly, they sometimes modify their gender presentation to adhere to cisgender aesthetics. Secondly, they must be strategic about who they disclose the trans identity to. Additionally, this paper has emphasised how certain narratives about transgender people mistakenly classify them as deceivers for engaging in actions that their cisgender counterparts also engage in. This is exemplified by “passing” when understood through identity theory, and symbolic self-disclosure in social penetration theory. Therefore, while transgender people do utilize secrecy in the management of their lives for survival, the discussion of this topic needs to be carried out with as much care and nuance as possible. Not doing so further classifies transgender individuals as deceivers, which further endangers them in their daily lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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